No Words Launch

No Words

Today is the day that I am launching a baby loss awareness campaign – NO WORDS. 

It wasn’t long after Ottilie was born that I realised I needed to do something, to make a difference, to change something. Maybe because I knew I could never change that she wasn’t here, but I did have it in my power to talk about what had happened. I have been thinking about how to do that ever since. 

In the weeks and months after her death I had countless conversations with family, friends and colleagues that were rooted in the shock of it all. Not just the shock that it had happened but the shock it happens so often. The shock that every day, in the UK, 14 babies die before, during or just after birth, that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss, that this is happening but we hear so little about it. I clearly remember the realisation that for many people we were their first experience of stillbirth but sadly we would become the couple they would tell people about the next time it happens to someone they know. 

It sounds strange to say but actually we are the fortunate ones, apart from the fact our baby died which is of course the exact opposite of “lucky”, but actually we have been surrounded by love, kindness and support from the very first moment we had the awful job of telling people that they would never get to meet our child. For many parents that isn’t the case. 

Many bereaved parents talk of becoming increasingly isolated in their loss, friends disappear and family members clam up in their presence. In the depths of their grief they find themselves choosing not to show up and if they do, not mentioning their dead child for fear of upsetting the people around them. When they should be wrapped in the warmth of friendship and love they are iced out by the awkwardness of others. 

I choose to believe that this is not done on purpose, that we have become so debilitated by a fear of upsetting anyone by saying the wrong thing that we are at a loss to find the words to say the right thing. 

Through the No Words campaign I am hoping that together we can start to end the isolation by raising awareness and helping people to find the words, and you can help. 

No Words T shirts are available to buy here.

£5 from the sale of every T Shirt will be donated to charity, at launch we are supporting Sands and the National Maternity Support Foundation. 

You can also take a picture of yourself in your No Words Tee and post to instagram tagging @withoutottilie and using #nowords. You might have some helpful tips for people who are trying to work out what to say to someone who has experienced a loss, you might want to share your story or just let people know you understand. 

Together let’s help break the silence.